Conflicts in a relationship are a fact of life. No matter how much in love with each other, arguing will arise-be it over money, routines, or who to binge-watch at 3 a.m. with. Silver lining? Conflict isn’t a problem. It’s your reaction that’s a problem.
With a little practice, spats can actually make couples even stronger!
So, then, how can you have a combative conversation and not bruise feelings? Let’s go through a few successful couples’ tips and techniques for fighting and resolving conflicts that can make a big impact!
Think as a Team, Not as Opponents
The biggest mistake couples make when arguing is arguing with their mate, not with the issue at hand. Instead, remember, you two are a unit!
Next time you argue, take a deep breath and reframe your thinking: “How can we work through this together?” That little tweak can make your whole conversation’s atmosphere switch for the positive!
Listen to Understand, Not to Win
Are you ever thinking about your snippy zinger when your mate is in midsentence? Yeah, me too. But effective communication happens when you’re listening to understand, not to respond!
Try this: Next time your mate speaks about a feeling, repeat what you heard in a reworded form to ensure you’re getting it correct: “So, you’re overwhelmed ’cause I didn’t remind you about my schedule?” That confirms you’re actually listening, and tension can blow over in no time!
If you’re struggling with improving your communication, working with a dating coach can provide valuable insights and techniques to strengthen your connection.
Take a Break Before Things Get Worse
When emotions run high, it’s easy to say hurtful, unimportant things. Instead of having frustration win out, consent to break off the discussion and work through it later. A quick timeout (just 20 minutes, for example) can give both of you a chance to cool down and work through the issue with a cool head.
Pro tip: Set a specific date and time to return to the discussion so it doesn’t sound like you’re getting out of resolving it altogether.
Pick the Right Time to Talk
Mending fences over sensitive subjects when one of you is exhausted, stressed, or hungry? It’s not a smart move. Timing is critical!
Choose a time when both of you are relaxed and present. In case, schedule an appointment to sit down and chat so neither of you feels blindsided.
Use “I” Statements Instead of Blaming
Accusing each other is a quick route to defensiveness. Instead of saying, “You never pay any attention to me,” say, “I don’t ever feel heard when important items are discussed.”
The little tweak works a big miracle; it keeps your mate out of the attack zone and opens a doorway for a positive discussion.
Accept that You Won’t Always Agree
Not all spats have to end with one party having won and one losing. Some issues simply won’t have a perfect resolution, and that’s perfectly fine. What’s key is to agree and value each other’s perspectives.
For example, when one of you is a tidy freak, and the other is a little sloppy about cleaning, don’t quarrel over who’s in the wrong, but make a win-win agreement for both of you.
Get Help When You Need It
If conflicts repeat and you’re at a standstill, a conversation with a professional can have a big impact. A dating coach or couples’ therapist can provide effective tools for positively resolving difficult situations.
Final Words
Every union will have roller coasters, but your reaction to the conflict will make or break its long-term success. With a focus on working together, listening, and respectful conversation, you can build your union, not tear it down.
Love isn’t about having no conflicts at all-but growing together in them.
