Each person will inevitably encounter difficult circumstances in life. How can you help someone who you care deeply for when they hit one of these?
Knowing what to do at what moment does not come naturally to everyone, so we’ve put together this short guide to help you find out how you can be a genuine support.
The Many Faces of Difficulty
Personal challenges come in many forms. In the workplace, dealing with difficult coworkers, resume rejection, or getting fired can sap a person’s self-esteem.
Economic issues, loss, food insecurity, eviction, or mountains of bills can feel overwhelming. Not to be overlooked are health issues, the death of a loved one, divorce, or forced migration due to warfare or natural disasters.
Any of these life experiences can lead to anxiety or depression, or these difficulties may arise on their own.
No matter the cause, you can help your loved one feel secure, cherished, and appreciated as they endure. Your support may help them to face their situation with hope and courage.
1. Just Listen
When a person is distressed, it may help them to “get things off their chest” by talking about them. Make yourself available to listen. Listen actively-acknowledge what your loved one says, but don’t feel compelled to answer each statement or propose a solution for everything.
Remain compassionate, and don’t get offended if your friend says hurtful or nonsensical things. Don’t get offended or jump to conclusions. Often, this is the result of the stress they are under, and it does not reflect their normal feelings.
Remember that your friend may not always want to talk about the problem or may not talk about it right then. That’s okay, too. Just let them know that you are available.
2. Offer Practical Assistance
What can you do to lighten your loved one’s load? The specifics will depend on the difficulty they are going through. Consider some examples.
- Job loss – look for job openings that may fit their skill set, or recommend them to an employer you know. Help them overcome any feelings of self-doubt or anxiety when looking for a job.
- Economic hardship – pay their electric bill or pick up some groceries for them. Start a GoFundMe campaign to cover ongoing medical bills. Offer a place to stay.
- Illness/disability – visit them in the hospital, send a card, or drop off some chicken soup. Offer to drive them to a doctor’s appointment or help with cleaning tasks around the home.
- Death of a loved one – prepare a meal, send a card, send flowers. Check on them a few months after the loss, when many in their support system have gone back to their normal lives. Also, offer support on potentially difficult dates, such as the deceased’s birthday, wedding anniversary, or date of death.
- Other difficulties – offer to babysit the children, perform maintenance on the home or car, or invite your friend to do something fun.
It is often more effective to suggest a specific task than to simply say, “Let me know if there is anything I can do.” If you are not sure what your loved one’s needs are, ask.
3. Create Moments of Joy
You can create small moments of happiness for your loved one-benefiting them and yourself.
Make some coffee and share a quiet, screen-free moment together. Take a walk, ideally in a park or greenspace where nature and peace abound, and the cares of life seem far away. Do something kind for your loved one, be it a note or card, a text message, a gift, completing their chores for them, or preparing their favorite meal.
These actions may seem small and inconsequential, but they can really make a big difference for the person going through a difficult time. It can distract them from their problems and reassure them that they are loved and appreciated.
4. Encourage Professional Help If Needed
Stressful circumstances can foment anxiety and depression or make existing mental health challenges worse. Encourage your friend to seek professional help if needed. Show them that you don’t consider mental health issues to be a sign of weakness or a personal failing. Offer to help them make the appointment or accompany them as moral support.
If your loved one is experiencing a mental health crisis, you may need to call 911 to provide immediate medical assistance. You can also encourage them to call a suicide lifeline if they express a desire to harm themselves.
5. Don’t Get Discouraged
Problems take time to resolve – days, weeks, months, or even years. Some may be lifelong issues that must be dealt with. At times, your loved one’s decisions or actions may make a situation worse instead of better.
As a friend, family member, or caretaker, try not to get discouraged. Support your loved one, but also take care of your own mental and physical health, as well as your work/life balance.
Key Takeaways
Personal difficulties can come from without or within. They can be as broad in form as a conflict between nations or as intimate as a mental health crisis or the death of a family member.
Your support can be vital to your loved one’s long-term success. Be a good listener. Do things to make your loved one happy. Encourage them to seek help when needed, and don’t get discouraged if their recovery takes longer than expected.
Your friend will thank you. And they will likely be there for you when you need someone to lean on.
